Letter Archive

May 2003

Wow, it's May. Things have really picked up with the CD - we have ticket giveaways and lots of radio play. We're looking forward to having it released and out there in the world. The CD Release Party is going to be a lot of fun. Admittedly these things are a little bit nerve-wracking, but in a good kind of way. It's going to be a great show. We've been practicing a lot and working hard - and my heart is lighter with the warm weather. Every day there are more leaves on the trees and more flowers on the ground. We went back to Syracuse last weekend and I saw a robin's nest in my parents' back yard - two small, blue eggs. There were two ferocious-looking robins defending the nest against starlings, grackles and us! 

I got a Discman while I was home and I am loving it. I had one, but it was from the early nineties and it skipped all the time - I mean literally you could breathe on it and it would skip. Friends had told me that the technology has improved a lot, so I took the plunge. It's great! I'm expanding my musical horizons. I bought two new CDs, Lauryn Hill and Fine Arts Militia. My friend Christian lent me the new Dar Williams. I listened to Lauryn yesterday and I really liked it. I always liked "That Thing" but it was just too huge for me at the time. Sometimes I think I wouldn't like any of the music - The Beatles, The Stones, Fleetwood Mac - from the sixties and seventies that I like now simply because it must have been everywhere and in your ears all the time. I listened to most of the Dar Williams today and I like it too. I never really got into her before, but this new CD seems really singer-songwriter oriented. She does a cover of The Band's "Whispering Pines" that I am enjoying. Usually I hate covers of songs that I already love but this one was very true to the spirit of the Richard Manuel original. Oh, and we got the new Fleetwood Mac. I think it's too long - with the exception of "Bleed To Love Her" I feel the CD should've stopped right before "Silver Girl." But there are some really good songs on there - particularly by Lindsey. I love the creepiness he brings to his work (as long as he doesn't take the plunge into self-pity). "Miranda" is my favorite song on the CD, followed by "Say You Will" and "Peacekeeper." 

Not too much more to say - we're psyched for the CD Release Party and hope to see everyone there. We want to make it a fantastic evening, rich and full of great music. And hopefully the May weather will hold for us... anyway, here's Jason:

So I'm going to a CD/Record Fair in a couple of weeks. Basically, it's like a small convention where a number of small record stores have tables of music merchandise (CDs, videos, pictures, magazines, etc.) that you can buy. A good percentage of it is rare/bootleg items. I always like going to the shows (when I have enough money) because I always find something interesting. Sometimes there's so many things I want that it's hard to decide what to leave behind - it takes me awhile. Hopefully I'll find some good Badfinger bootlegs!

We were really sorry to see the news about the Cape oil spill... wish there was something we could do. I saw a duck on TV that had ingested a lot of the oil and I hope they are able to save its life.

Other than that, it's basically the same thing as Elizabeth - I'm psyched for the CD Release Party and to start getting feedback from listeners. Hope to see you all out there!

April 2003

Well, we are still waiting for the CDs to come back from the company. They are still pretty safe in my heart, not really heard by anybody. Except for our friends Jason and Jill, who helped us write our bio and radio one-sheet. They had positive things to say and it increased my confidence - but this is still the weird part, putting it out in the world. Maybe if there wasn't a long delay between finishing it and actually getting it back from the duplication company it would be better, because there wouldn't be as much time to think about it! The CD Release Party should be a good night - I always enjoy Kendall shows - and I want to kick this album off with a good start. 

This morning I stopped in at Tealuxe and got a Kir Royale tea. It's a berry tea, herbal, no caffeine. I've been working on avoiding caffeine because although it gives me a spike of wakefulness it gives me a spike of nausea a few hours later. Not unlike alcohol, which makes me feel happy at first and then as if my life sucks about three hours later. In college I can remember going out for wine coolers (which are so sweet, I can't imagine how I ever drank them!) with my friend John (who drank beer) and having a great time, and then sitting in the dorm hallway with him a few hours later, drowning in morose tears. Anyway. My POINT is, I stopped in at Tealuxe and got tea this morning, and the guy behind the counter stumbled over a drawer that kept opening on its own. I said "maybe it's haunted" and he laughed and said we'd be lucky if it was. I said I wasn't sure, and he said that haunting and psychic ability are good things... and I wasn't sure. See, I'm not psychic at all and the only experience I have ever had personally with a ghost wasn't so much directed at me but at my sister.

I was something like ten years old, and she was fourteen. We had separate rooms, next to each other. Since she was fourteen, she was starting to want her privacy, but I was still her meddling little sister. I discovered that if I knocked on her door really heavily, the way my father did, and whispered "Daddy" she would think that it was my father knocking on her door with me standing next to him - and she'd open the door. So I pulled this little stunt on her a few times and eventually she caught on and stopped opening the door, which upset me. 

One night, I heard my father's heavy knock on her door, about five times. I kept reading, and I heard her say "come in." Nothing happened, and there were five more knocks. She said "come in!" I got the bright idea, by the time the next five knocks started, that I would go to the hallway and whisper "Daddy." She'd think it was just me pulling my little stunt, refuse to open the door - and get in trouble. Brilliant! I got to my door by the time the last knock sounded, and I opened it within a half second - and there was no one there. Really. No one could've gotten away - my father was in the kitchen, my mother was in the basement doing laundry. Both of us remember this incident quite clearly and I have always wondered what would've happened if she had opened the door. 

But it happened to my sister. I was merely an accessory, a witness. My grandmother was outside a building where a woman died, and she saw a cloud go out the window and head west. She drew a picture of it in the margin of a dictionary my father showed us. But I have had no experiences like that - I've never predicted the future, never had visions, Ouija boards sit motionless in front of me. In college I tried to astral project when a professor told me that she did it regularly. I went to my practice room and followed the directions - look at yourself in a mirror and will yourself out of your body. I remained stubbornly in my chair. 

As a kid I read ghost stories feverishly, and even now I remain fascinated by them... but the ghosts themselves must find me quite boring because they never visit! Perhaps I've been less than inviting to them. Or maybe they sense that I have some fear underneath the desire to meet them and they feel that I have to overcome that. Maybe they just don't have anything to say. Who knows? I've been thinking a lot about them lately because on the advice of a couple that we met at one of our shows, I went to the library to get Stephen King's Salem's Lot. It wasn't in, so I got Tommyknockers instead. It has more to do with aliens, but it is still an interesting read... and it makes one think of ghosts, even in this supremely not-ghostly, spring time of the year!

Well, on that note, I should probably wrap this up. Hope you are all well, and that you get outside once this cold snap snaps in half. Hope to see you on May 16th - we need each and every one of you there!

March 2003   

Coming out of the studio-mindset after having been in there for nearly four months feels a bit like crawling out of a cave. You blink for a bit and hesitate because being above-ground feels unfamiliar and a little scary. In a way, this is the hardest part of the whole process. The recording is done, and budgets and time will allow for no further corrections. You still can hear things that you'd like to change, but at some point you have to call it finished, because these things can go on forever if you don't stop at some point. 

We mixed in February over a six-day period at Q Division. We've written about this before, but mixing is the process of taking the different parts of the songs - vocal, guitar, drums, violin, etc. and putting them together in the best possible way that they can be put together. It takes awhile. We had six days, and we finished early on the last day. We only really missed with one song - "Make Me A Gypsy" didn't come out good the first time so we redid it the last day and it came out great. Mixing is weird, you'd be surprised at how fast your ears get tired and you have no idea if what you're doing is sounding good or not. We watched a lot of cable TV (what a luxury) and saw for the millionth time Michael have Fredo killed - all this in order to keep our ears fresh. In other words, it gave us incentive to keep out of the control room. 

Then there's mastering. Mastering is the final step in the process. It involves taking the final mixes and adjusting their overall EQ, cleaning up noise before and after the tracks (count-offs, people talking), adjusting the volume and sequencing the album. There's a whole school of thought about mastering. The current trend is to make CDs as loud as they possibly can be. The ear is set up to focus in on loud noises and even to find them more appealing up to a certain point. So the theory is to make the CD really loud so that it hits that threshold quickly and appeals to the listener (which is why commercials are so freaking loud). However, when you get really loud you lose dynamics. The soft parts of a album sound equal to the loud parts, and that can leave the listener cold. Also, when something is really loud it may sound great initially, but it will cause ear fatigue which will make it sound less and less great and more and more like noise. We did our best to compromise. We didn't make the album as loud as it could be, but we didn't make it as soft as we could either because a.) it has to hold up well with other CDs in a person's collection and b.) we're promoting to radio and radio has to have a certain volume. 

And then the hard part comes. The studio part of this is like having a child in your belly and under control - you say what it eats, how it is reacted to, etc. But then it isn't there anymore, instead it is out in the world, and you can't control what happens to it. People will love it and treat it well, and people will hate it and treat it badly. James Joyce once wrote that "the artist, like the God of creation, remains within or behind or beyond or above his handiwork, invisible, refined out of existence, indifferent, paring his fingernails." This once seemed like a silly thing to say - how could an artist be indifferent to her or his own work? And it seemed almost arrogant, a snobbery to one's own creation. But maybe it's not arrogant - maybe it's self-preservation as well. One has to be able to go on and create again, somehow. If you stay immersed in that moment, or that creation, you will not write or record again. It's just spinning in place, and it's examining yourself to find something whose part of you has gone into history. You can't time-travel. Not yet. 

Although time-travel seems like it could be a good idea - if only until April! Some flowers would be nice - anything to make it seem like this endless cold will actually end. The weather has been a big topic with us lately but it's really time for the beginning of the forthcoming, isn't it? - a fancy way of saying get on with it. It's time already!

February 2003   

It's something like forty-three degrees out there today and it feels wonderful. I am really feeling the springtime and the summer heading in. Yeah, I know, it's February and those evil groundhogs saw their shadows, but doesn't it feel like spring today? 

So things are going well in the studio. We're done with the tracking and editing part of the process and we're on to mixing and mastering. Mixing is where you take all the different tracks (each instrument has its own track) and put them together to make sure they sound right (personally, I think this is one of the most difficult jobs a producer has). Mastering is adjusting the overall EQ of the CD, removing extraneous noise, doing fade-outs and sequencing the songs. Then comes the duplication part. That is primarily why the CD will be released in May - the turnaround time from the point where you send them your master copy to when you get the discs is three to five weeks. Really, the duplication process takes almost as long as the whole rest of the recording!

Let's see... what other news do I have to report. Not a whole lot. Things have been pretty quiet... it is, I hope, the "calm before the storm." We have a low-key February because we had to hold the month for mixing - getting everyone's schedules together is rather difficult. We've been putting together some songs and some new covers to be debuted at future gigs. 

Last weekend I played "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City." I don't know quite what to make of those video games. I suppose if people are adults they can enjoy the game without mixing it up with real life and becoming more violent. But I had a dream that night that was absolutely full of violence - people being set on fire, shot - you name it. I guess I can't definitively say whether the game caused my violent dreams, but I wonder if it got into my subconscious. I don't currently have any desire to shoot anyone, so as long as it stays in my dream world I suppose it's okay? I don't know - I do know that's a topic for debate among a lot of people and all of my friends feel differently about it. I'm starting to think that I just see enough violence in the world and I don't really need to add more in my life.

I've been checking up on the white duck in the Public Garden and it seems to be fine. I am curious how these animals make it through the winter. Does anyone know? Ants? Do they hibernate? I can't wait to see them again when springtime hits. I can picture it already - the way the wind feels when it's been biting your face for six months, and then suddenly it's just a kiss. Being outside and feeling buoyant and light, surrounded by the sun and the warm air... I curse the winter, but without it we wouldn't love the spring the way we do. And since it's been a cold, snowy winter, the spring and summer should be warm and intense as well.

I'll leave you with a poem. This is by Bertolt Brecht and it relates to today's political climate as well as it did when Brecht first wrote it about Hitler. Tony Kushner, who wrote the brilliant Angels In America plays, read this at a peace rally. Jason and I saw Angels In America in 1997 - all seven hours of it - in Syracuse.  The first part of it, Millennium Approaches, they did in full - costumes, memorized lines, etc. The second part, Perestroika, was done in a scaled-down way, with the actors not wearing costumes and sitting on barstools reading their lines. Between the first and second parts there was a break during which Jason and I went to a Chinese restaurant on Marshall Street called Panda West. It was the oddest experience because we ran into the actors who played Prior and Roy Cohn at the restaurant. I didn't know whether to approach them; the play is brilliant and so was their acting - but we did, and they actually invited us to have dinner with them! We declined, thinking that they would prefer to relax and I regret that now. I realize now that as a performer the most important thing is the connection with the audience and to know that it was made. But I wasn't a performer then and I declined an opportunity to learn about them and their amazing talent and the amazing play... but I've gone off on a tangent. Here is the poem. 

The Great Grumbler
(At A Time of Potato Famine) by Bertolt Brecht

I had a dream:
Opposite the opera house
where the house painter had gone to make his big speech
suddenly a colossal potato, bigger than an average hill, lay
before the expectant people, and
also made a speech.
"I," the potato said in a deep voice,
"have come to warn you. Of course I know
I'm only a potato, a small,
unimportant person, not noticed much, hardly mentioned
in the history books, without influence
in top society. Where there's talk of great things,
of 'honor' and 'glory,' I take a back seat.
It's said to be ignoble to put me before glory. Yet I've done my
bit
To help people go on
living in this vale of tears.
Now the time has come to choose
between me and that man in there. Now
it's him or me. If you choose him
you lose me. But if you should need me
you must throw him out. And so I think
you shouldn't spend too long in there listening to that man
who'll throw me out neck and crop. Even if he says you'll die
if you rebel against him, you must bear in mind
that without me you'll die too, and so will your children."
Thus spake the potato, and slowly,
as the house painter went on bellowing in the opera house
audible to the entire people through the loudspeakers, the
potato began,
as if to show what he meant,
to stage a weird demonstration, visible to the entire people,
shrinking
with every word the house painter uttered,
getting smaller, shabbier and seedier.

January 2003  

We were talking about lyrics the other day. The melody lines and the way they intertwine are so much of what a song is about, but lyrics give it its most overt meaning. So, we thought we'd write about lyrics this month, lyrics that have touched us and given us the "a-ha" feeling.

Neil Young made this incredible album called On The Beach. It was never released on CD, but we are lucky enough to have it on vinyl (and on this bootleg made from copying the record to the CD). The album is sort of a break-up album, and it is intensely moody. Neil seems to write lyrics and melodies that just sort of happen. Listening to his music is like walking along a pathway and just coming up to things that take your breath away - but in a home-like sort of way. Anyway, here's some lines from "Ambulance Blues":

Oh, Isabela, proud Isabela,
They tore you down and plowed you under
You're only real with your make-up on
How could I see you and stay too long?

Well, I'm up in T.O. keepin' jive alive
And out on the corner it's half past five
But the subways are empty
And so are the cafes
Except for the Farmer's Market
And I still can hear him say:
"You're all just pissin' in the wind
You don't know it but you are."
And there ain't nothin' like a friend
Who can tell you you're just pissin' in the wind

We've learned that friendship doesn't mean always saying what the friend wants to hear. There's so much more to it than that.

Love is big in music. There's something about the whole experience of really loving someone that changes your life. It sounds corny, but it's true. One of the best songs that deals with the topic is Jeff Buckley's version of  "Hallelujah":

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Well, maybe there's a god above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

This song is really a joyful song, but in a broken-down kind of way, isn't it? It's the sound of an ego breaking... maybe this song isn't even about romantic love but about love without any sort of definition. But hopefully when the ego breaks, something else is born in its place, something purer - at the risk of sounding even more corny, an 'hallelujah?'

Who can beat Stevie Nicks for lyrical honesty at times. This is from "Sara":

Drowning in the sea of love
Where everyone would love to drown
And now it's gone
It doesn't matter anymore
When you build your house
Call me home

Sara, you're the poet in my heart
Never change, never stop
And now it's gone
It doesn't matter what for
When you build your house
I'll come by

All I ever wanted
Was to know that you were dreaming
(There's a heartbeat
And it never really died)

And there's always some great stuff about the music industry. It is exactly that: an industry. For about ten years now the major labels have been quite bankrupt in terms of putting out something with heart. Here's Rush on the topic, from the song "The Spirit of Radio":

All this machinery making modern music
Can still be open-hearted
Not so coldly charted, it's really just a question
Of your honesty, yeah, your honesty

One likes to believe in the freedom of music
But glittering prizes and endless compromises
Shatter the illusion of integrity

For the words of the profits were written on the studio wall,
Concert hall
And echoes with the sounds of salesmen

And here's something that's quite relevant today. We gotta watch what we're doing out there. Everyone thought we could save the world by blowing up a small part of it  -  Roger Waters from "Goodbye Blue Sky":

Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter
When the promise of a brave new world
Unfurled beneath a clear blue sky?

Happy New Year. Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear.

December 2002  

It's so cold out there today. Cold enough for my nose to freeze. It still amazes me how quickly it happens, how quickly we go from eighty-five degrees to twelve degrees. This year I don't resent it as much as I did last year - perhaps because we have a lot going on between the CD project and the gigs we've been booking and I don't have time for resentment! 

Booking gigs is turning out to be a good experience. I was always somewhat afraid of it - I still haven't gotten over my fear of rejection. But we've been really accepted in that department and that makes me feel good. It's all a matter of finding the right clubs and places to play. At some places we've gotten overwhelming support and that means a lot. We played down at the Gallery Tea last Tuesday and had a great, if nerve-wracking, show. There were a lot of people there for Surreal, the band we opened for. It's always a little scary to be an opening band because the audience isn't really there to see you. But they liked it! I felt like I did the first time we got tipped when we busked. Like all I wanted to do was laugh with delight and hug everybody. Particularly this one woman who told me from the audience that she was really digging it and we talked about being born in the sixties and the seventies and some other stuff. I told her I wanted to put her in my pocket and bring her to all of our gigs - wouldn't that be fun!

We're planning on making a trip down to Nashville when the CD is done and playing a bit. There's some really nice places down there and it'll be fun. Then, in September, if all goes well we're planning to go to England. I'm very provincial, I've never been out of North America. So this will be a wholly new experience. Not to mention that word on the street is that American acts go over very well there. We'll see. 

Our friend Christian (hi Christian) took us to see Blondie before Thanksgiving. I was so blown away by the show. I wasn't a huge fan before but now I am and I can't shake those damn infectious melodies. We were right smack in front of Debbie Harry and her diamond-studded microphone - general admission front row seats. 'In Detroit 442 / Maybe baby I can ride with you' - Christian and I tried to pretend that it was 1979 and we were in CBGBs. It worked for me a little. Somebody gave Debbie a bouquet of white roses. She buried her face in them and I thought she was taking a deep sniff. When she lifted her head she spit a mouthful of rose petals on everyone in that part of the front row, which was just this crazy move that worked on so many levels. Not that she thought about it that much. She's a little scary the way she draws you in and repels you at the same time. But I was inspired and wrote a song the next day that Jason and I are working on. It was one of the best shows I've ever been to. It kicked my ass. I regret now that I passed on the Chris Robinson acoustic show at the Paradise - I thought of going but then I didn't and now I really regret it because I think it would've been another great show. I still need to pick up his solo disc. 

What else... Hmmm... things are pretty quiet. I miss getting out into nature, which I haven't done nearly enough of in a long time. In Oswego I used to visit the Lake regardless of the weather and I knew her in all of her moods - from warm and welcoming to stormy to icy to indifferent, I knew her. That's the only way to get close to nature, the only way that you get to really hear what it's saying. And I just don't get to do it now like I used to. Perhaps I've gotten too comfortable in my city life? I just wish I didn't have to drive or take the T to really get away from the city. It's not a laziness thing, it's just that in the winter by the time you've gotten there the sun is going down. Soon enough the shortest day will be here and it will stay that way until mid-February when things will start to lighten up. It's so cold and it's not even winter officially yet. 

Jason bought Bob Dylan Live from 1975 - The Rolling Thunder Revue and I'm really digging it. His voice is on the edge of disappearing half the time and he means everything he sings, which he doesn't always. In one song, I think it's 'Isis' - on the DVD he doesn't play guitar and he is so animated onstage. I wish I could've seen that show but I wasn't born yet. Unless I was reincarnated, in which case my former self better have gone to at least one of those shows. Probably not, though. With my luck I was probably a Republican aristocrat who lived in a mansion surrounded by the cold company of books. 

Ok! That's probably enough of my rambling this month. I'm not feeling very literary today so you must excuse any incoherence, grammar errors or just plain stupidity in the above letter. Happy Holidays!

P.S. - Jason says hello. He wanted to write this month but he's swamped.

November 2002  

Well, last weekend we completed the basic tracks (drums and bass) for Locust Years... an exhausting but gratifying experience. 

Generally, recordings are made in parts. First the drums and bass are put down, then the guitars are layered on top of that, then the vocals, and then the solo parts (at least that's the order we'll be doing ours in, other people prefer otherwise. Tori Amos, for instance, lays down a piano and vocal, and then everyone else comes in and does their thing). I think that getting the basic tracks right is one of the most difficult parts of the process - second, in my opinion, only to mixing. 

We loaded into Q Division around 10 AM Saturday morning, after going to the practice room to help Jeff haul his drums over. Then, the kit got set up and the alternate snares and cymbals were laid out. Then the mics were set up around the drums. One mic in particular was interesting: it was made out of a speaker. That one was used for the bass drum and it sounded amazing. Then we worked on getting drum sounds. One of the engineers said that the kit (which Jeff built) is one of the best that he ever heard in the studio. After that, we got the bass amp set up in an isolation booth (in order to avoid the sound of it bleeding into the drum mics) and worked on bass sounds.

Most of Saturday was spent getting the drum and bass sounds, but we did manage to lay down the basics for two songs: "Make You Feel Alright" and "Grace." We had some minor difficulty getting the click-track to sync up with ProTools, and for a short time the computer system crashed altogether, but the talented - and thankfully, computer literate - assistant engineer got it up and running. The drums and bass were recorded to 2" analog tape which will then be bounced over to ProTools for the overdubbing of everything else, and then mixed back down to 1/2" analog tape. 

On Sunday, we filled ourselves up with caffeine and recorded the other five songs in this order: "Tell The Truth," "Farewell," "Living In Dream," "Make Me A Gypsy" and "Cocoon." Everyone was a little bit tired after "Living In Dream" because it was a difficult song to record - so we took a break and watched this unintentionally hilarious video called Visual and Special Effects Drumming. It's this video made in the eighties (I hope) where this guy shows you about all these drum effects and products like spinning the stick, drumming standing up, pressing your foot on the floor tom at various pressures to get different sounds, hot-pink drum sticks, etc. Anyway, it lightened the mood and when we went back in we nailed "Make Me A Gypsy" in one take with great energy. After that, "Cocoon" - and we were done. ("Blanket Song" doesn't have drums and bass so we'll track it later.)

Jeff and Peter did excellent work, they really cared about every second of the recording and were patient and fun to be with, which is so important in the studio as it can be somewhat high-pressure and temperamental in there. And Brian - all I can say is he is easily the most skilled engineer/producer I've met yet, both at the technical aspects and personal aspects of recording. He actually did a fair amount of splicing the analog tape! Between everybody that was there, I have to say that this was the best studio experience I have ever had. Everybody seemed able to lay their personal agendas at the door and work together to get the best result - not an easy thing to do and I am very grateful. We're already ahead of where we were when we recorded our first album - we got both the bass and drums done together. Last time we overdubbed the bass in later. Getting them done at the same time incorporates a "live feel" on the album which is always good.

My reward at the end of the day was getting to listen to the tracks on the studio speakers. Those speakers could make traffic sound good, so imagine how they make a recording sound! We listened to my favorite Black Crowes song, "Wiser Time" on them at one point and I never heard it so good. Anyway, listening to "Grace"  (which is my current favorite song on the album) at the end of the night actually made me choke up, it was so solid - even with the reference vocal, guitar and violin (the final versions of these are done later with appropriate amplification and mood). When I think about what I get from music - that moment will come to mind - just sitting there at the end of the long weekend, listening to these songs that were once just ideas on a handheld tape recorder start to come to life and move me emotionally, well that's something I get. And something that I will always remember as a high point in my life.

Our very talented friend JR Walsh is doing the graphic design for Locust Years (many of you have complimented us on the posters he does for our Kendall shows). I have no visual art ability so I admire those that do. It's a surprise - can't wait for you to see it. Actually, I can't wait to see it myself - right now it exists only in our brains in different forms to be mixed together to make one.

I am exhausted today, Monday morning. I had a cup of coffee at Torrefazione Italia - I am not a coffee drinker usually but today I needed it. And I must say, this coffee is excellent. Not burned, not over-caffeinated, just really great coffee. My point is: I realize this letter is somewhat discombobulated, but so is my brain. 

I can't wait to finish this CD. At some point we will do the acoustic EP Road Work as well, to be released with Locust Years. We haven't fully decided what four songs to put on it, but we'll see. It's going to be a lot of fun, anyway, to have both. BTW, yes, Road Work does refer to busking as a couple of you have asked. I wish it referred to our extensive travels around the globe, but sadly, I have not had much of an opportunity to travel. When I got into music I thought it was this freewheelin' lifestyle! Where you travel all over the place and have no real responsibility! Alas. It's really like having a kid. No, like having about 1/4th of a kid - I won't claim to have taken on that much responsibility yet.

Well, I should wrap this up before I get into some sort of warp-state and start becoming incomprehensible if I haven't already done so. Hope you're well this month.

P.S. - In the studio they had a Doonesbury book. It was really great. I was never into it before although I love comics, and now I am. Apparently I can go to the web site and read 10,000 strips from the last thirty-odd years. Good to know. Just wish I had some free time.

October 2002  

Of all the letters we've written so far, we've gotten the most replies about the 'raves' letter we did a few months ago. Replies are fun! Discussions are fun! And we like recommending good stuff that people may not have heard (and also getting stuff recommended back to us). So we're going to do it again. This time we basically free-associated any random category that came into our heads, and then we came up with some thoughts on the matter. Sorry about the division under some of the categories by our names, but we can't think of any other way to do it since we didn't always have the same preference. 

And now, welcome to the Blue Horizon Grammy Awards for 2002, better known as the B-Sides.

Current Recommended Song and Album by Neil Young 
Jason - song: 'Ambulance Blues,' album: On The Beach
Elizabeth - song: 'Music Arcade,' album: On The Beach

Current Recommended Jazz Artist
J - John McLaughlin
E - Billie Holiday

Current Recommended Song and Album by The Black Crowes
J - song: 'Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye,' album: Southern Harmony And Musical Companion
E - song: 'Wiser Time,' album: Three Snakes And One Charm

Current Recommended Song and Album by the Rolling Stones
J - song: 'Moonlight Mile,' album: Exile On Main Street
E - song: 'Gimme Shelter,' album: Exile On Main Street

Current Recommended Comedy
Monty Python's Holy Grail (which Jeff just gave us) 

Current Recommended Song and Album by Tori Amos
J - song: 'Concertina,' album: Under The Pink
E - song: 'Upside Down,' album: Under The Pink

Current Recommended Song and Album by Genesis with Peter Gabriel
J - song: 'Supper's Ready,' album: Selling England By The Pound
E - song: 'Carpet Crawlers,' album: The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway

Current Recommended Song and Album by Badfinger
J - song: 'Do You Mind,' album: Wish You Were Here
E - song: 'Midnight Caller,' album: Wish You Were Here

Current Recommended Blues Artist
Robert Johnson

Current Recommended Song and Album by the Beatles
J - song: 'Oh! Darling,' album: White Album
E - song: 'The Ballad Of John And Yoko,' album: Abbey Road

City We Wish We Lived In Or At Least Could Visit If All Our Money Didn't Go Toward Making Albums And Music
London

Current Recommended Song and Album by Joni Mitchell
song: 'River,' album: Blue

Current Overall Recommended Song
J - 'The Pass' by Rush
E - 'Venus In Furs' by the Velvet Underground

Current Thoughts on Singing
J - My voice does the job pretty well, but I need to make it stronger and more versatile.
E - I may not naturally be a great singer, but I'm going to make damn sure that I'm an interesting one.

Current Recommended Orchestral Composer
Igor Stravinsky

Drink of Choice
J - lemon tea with honey
E - ginger-ginseng tea from Tealuxe with honey

Recommended Political Party
The Green Party

Current Favorite Comedy Album
Open Up and Say... Ahh! by Poison

Recommended Flavor of Ben & Jerry's (yes, we know it's a yuppie ice cream but not all things yuppie are bad)
J - Chubby Hubby
E - Chocolate Fudge Brownie

Recommendation From Previous 'Raves' Letter That We Are Backing Off On
Desolation Angels by Jack Kerouac

Possible Recommendation of a Rock Critic
Lester Bangs - We just ordered Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung and will keep you posted on how it is! But so far he's pretty wild. Have you read his review of Van Morrison's Astral Weeks? Amazing writing on an amazing album. 

Well - we're done free-associating now -

Elizabeth & Jason

September 2002  

Our anticipation is growing as we get closer to being back in the studio... 

There's a lot of work to be done beforehand though. We've been working closely with Jeff to write drum/percussion parts. One of the things that was missing on our first album was percussion - I don't think we realized how important it is and how much texture it adds. But I've been listening to the Black Crowes a lot and I'm amazed at the creativity they have in their drum sounds and percussion parts. Now, we don't sound like the Black Crowes and I don't plan on making a record that does - but I admire creativity and those parts are certainly creative! 

Once everything is written and well practiced we're going to head into Q-Division Studio to record the basic tracks, which are drums/bass. Q-Division is a great studio located out near Porter Square. We went to check it out during a friend's mixing session and it was incredible - lovely Hammond organs and analog tape machines, good atmosphere and great music coming out of the rooms, both of which were engaged in mixing. Then after that we're going to go to Pearl Street Studio and record all of the other stuff - guitars, percussion, vocals, violin, keys...... and I just can't wait. We had our first meeting with our producer, Brian, to settle things on Saturday. It feels so good to be immersed in this, to be creative and open with it. 

Let's see, aside from the album... things are good. It's been a weird weekend, cold and rainy and damp - as it's been for a while. The last day of our Toad mini-residency was miserable out. It rained so hard, but people came out anyway and supported us, which we are so grateful for! I know that it was a hot-chocolate-and-soup-and-TV sort of night, too. Just as today  is. The weekend was quiet, we helped our friend Christian move on Sunday and in thanks he gave us all albums that he felt we would enjoy. We got Joni Mitchell's Court and Spark which I'm very  much enjoying. The weird thing is Christian dislikes "Raised on Robbery" but I really like it. I feel a discussion coming on! My friend Jill lent me Patti Smith's Land and it is also blowing my mind. I bought Horses back in the day, when I thought that I should know Patti Smith, but didn't really get into it - but Land is amazing. It's all in the performance and the level of honesty in the artist - as well as the willingness of the audience.

Today  I saw a hearse, a police car and a body bag outside of Emerson College. The ghastliness of death doesn't come from the death itself, which I believe is just a changing of forms - but from the things we put around it. The black hearse. The term "body bag." The police car. Things to be left behind...( but all of this is of course from the outsider's perspective. I know nothing of what was really going on there. And cold-hearted philosophy doesn't warm the grieving.) Anyway, it set a bit of tone for my morning so far, which has been quiet and thought-filled. I probably need to head outside and get some sunshine - sunshine is promised today as the day moves on. 

As always, I am surprised at how quickly the year has come to September. This month and next are incredible in New England, with the trees and the dry but warm air. I am looking very much forward to autumn this year but I am glad to see that the trees are still green when I look out my window. My friend Pam and I are going to go horseback riding this year - something about the autumn lends itself to that - the horse, the nature, the multicolored leaves, apples. I am from upstate New York originally, and I think that's the best place of them all to spend autumn... harvest - what a rich word. It makes me think of pumpkins and squash and apples. This year I think I'll take advantage of the seasons the best that I can - I expect this to be a fruitful winter with Locust Years as a reward, as a harvest of its own kind. 

Happy September - and it's still Summer!

August 2002

Langston Hughes: "I've been insulted, eliminated, locked in, locked out and left holding the bag. But I am still here."

Ups and downs - being a musician is full of them. Sometimes we think we can play anything well (even the mistakes sound good), everyone has encouraging words or offers, and all the pieces seem to fall into the right places. Other times it seems like everything we do is a struggle. 

A dream is good though. A certain amount of fantasy is good. We wouldn't have wanted to be musicians without that dream. But you can't carry that too far - it is, after all, a fantasy - and once it becomes real it's a lot less fun. America loves its fantasies as long as they stay fun, and in that case we're no different than America. 

But the thing about following your passion is that it comes to a crisis point eventually - it has to - where the question of the day is whether the fantasy's expiration is the death of the dream. Would you still play the guitar if no one's listening? And the only answer to that we can think of is that a tree falling in the woods with no one around does make a noise. Yes, it's true that the event of art isn't taking place the same way it would if there was an audience - but it is still happening, it is still legitimate. Leave the adulation to the porn stars. Our friend Alan says: 

It isn't about what you're getting. It's about what you're giving. 
It isn't about what you're getting. It's about what you're giving.
It isn't about what I'm getting. It's about what I'm giving.
It isn't about what we're getting. It's about what we're giving.

The best artists are willing to be naked - and that's the hardest thing to do. But there's no reason for us to paint roses on bad things, or to paint bad things on roses.. except fear, fear of rejection, fear of disapproval, fear of being put in the bedroom with the lights out to 'think about what you've done' - why do the lights need to be out? But freedom doesn't come from that and it never will. All of the defenses just put your back up against a wall eventually - arrogance, need, ego - they all are just little babies of fear... and fear and greed are lovers. They're at their most powerful when they are together. 

An August mantra for you.

July 2002

This month we decided to skip the ranting and go right to the raving and talk about stuff we like or are currently thinking about. This is both more and less narcissistic than regular letters, but what's more fun than shooting the - stuff - about stuff we like? Stay aboard for the joyride and if you're bored tell us some of your raves. That way we all get to broaden our horizons (ha ha) and learn about new things and keep growing our brains.

Music Rave
The Who, The Who By Numbers, Quadrophenia; Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah;" Robbie Robertson's "Broken Arrow" (not the cover by Rod Stewart) - a damn sexy song about an older relationship and redemption, all opinion of course but that's what this is all about! 

Book/Literature Rave
Desolation Angels by Jack Kerouac, The Spirit of Place by Loren Cruden, Ulysses by James Joyce, The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell, The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler.

TV Rave
"Bargain Hunt," "The Simpsons," "Scrubs" and "X-Files" repeats up until about the sixth or seventh season before it turned into a soap opera. Oh yeah, and most definitely "American Idol" and "Bachelorettes in Alaska" for quality programming that's sure to become classic TV and go into syndication for years and years.

Movie Rave 
Any suggestions?? We liked Waking Life but we saw it a long time ago and we're trying to be contemporary here. 

Poet Rave
Sonia Sanchez, Pablo Neruda, T.S. Eliot (when he's not being a fascist pig which admittedly is rare but he still had the gift for meter as they say), Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton. 

Visual Artist Rave
Alex Grey, Alan Winter.

Water Rave and Desert Rave and Wind Rave
The way the wind makes the desert and the water move. 

Restaurant Rave
Any decent Indian restaurant, Brown Sugar Café on Commonwealth Ave., Tealuxe, The Olive Garden, The Sunset. 

Bird Rave
We like every bird. Except the following Bird Rant: We kind of dislike the ones that shit on our car.

Energy Rave
The way a tree's energy is both moving and still, like time. Oh, and Clif Bars are good too. 

Totem Rave
Ducks and wolves. Basil and lavender. Maple, sweetgrass and sage. Bees and moths, wild mushrooms, wheat. Clover and sumac. Ladybugs and dandelions. Dust and rhubarb, tomatoes and garter snakes.

Beer Rave
Lately we both really like Newcastle. Jason will always love Strongbow, which isn't really a beer but we're way too lazy to start a "cider rave" category. 

People Rave
People who take the time to work on their own psyche so they can be healthy for themselves and the people around them. People who are compassionate, open to new things, willing to be students for the whole of their lives. People who don't look for beauty to find the sublime...

June 2002

Hi,

It's hard to believe that it's June already. At the end of this month, 2002 will be half over. That amazes me. I guess I still don't understand time, the way it is both really slow and really fast. Sometimes I think it doesn't really exist, that only change exists - things get bigger and smaller and we call it time. 

But when I think about that I know that isn't quite right either.

So I'm pretty tired today. We busked out in Harvard Square yesterday and it was a very good experience as usual. I think I've learned a lot that I needed to know about being a performer out there. Yesterday there was a little girl, she looked about one and a half, and she kept coming up to us and saying 'thank you.' See, for every bad experience that life hands out, I get a good one too. 

On Thursday I found $5 in the street behind my apartment (in tenth grade I lost $10 - two years ago I found $5 in the grocery store and then this $5, so I can say life is fair again) which I turned into ice cream that cost $4.99, and then the next day I went to the store and found that the ice cream had gone on sale for $2.27. Now I simply couldn't let the world get away with that, so I bought another container at the sale price and hence took advantage of both the $5 discovery and the sale... but did I win?? I did have ice cream twice, once for free and once on sale, but on the other hand, in two days I spent $7.26 on ice cream. Actually, this is starting to remind me of when you hold a mirror up to another mirror and the reflections go on forever and you can mess with your head. So I'll stop now, but not before I talk about another way to mess with your head, or at least something that I do. I think of a musical scale and see how high I can go in my brain. Theoretically, the ear is limited but the mind is not, correct? So you should be able to keep going higher and higher and higher... but I'm not sure what happens. Either I keep repeating the highest scale my ears can hear and only think I am going higher and higher, or I actually do and start to get a glimpse of infinity. 

We went up to the Parker River wildlife preserve on Plum Island last week and it was simply lovely. We saw a lot of birds, birds I don't recognize. One little spunky bird sat in front of the car and refused to move. I think it was a hippie. I don't know the breed: a black back and spiky black head, and a white belly - a shore bird of some kind. 

What else... music-wise the new songs are coming along nicely. I think songwriting is amazing sometimes, it is like having imaginary clay that you can shape and mold. One of the things that I've learned is that in the beginning there is a lot of potential. Classic songs could be completely different but the artist chose a certain way to do it. The old theory is that there is a sculpture buried in the clay somewhere but... where? And what sculpture? It's up to you. 

Or so I think. Perhaps it's not up to me at all? 

Rules are only worthwhile as long as they matter - at a certain point they are not the ladder anymore but the ceiling and then it's time to open the skylight and see what's up there. Like in Mario 3 for regular Nintendo, the sky world (did you know you could break the bricks if you're wearing the raccoon suit or the tanooki suit?) that just keeps going until you get somewhere else. No, that's not the greatest analogy in the world but I never claimed to be a great analogist, did I now? But my point is: the rules are worth learning as long as they are applicable, not restrictive. And at some point they have to be restrictive and if you don't transcend you won't be transcendent. 

Sayonara!

May 2002

Well, I guess I have no excuse now – it’s my turn to write the letter. I’ve never been great with translating my thoughts onto paper (or in this case a computer screen)… my way of communicating is sometimes a gradually excruciating process, but I get my idea across. I guess that’s why generally Elizabeth writes most of the words and I handle the arranging.

It’s funny how a year goes by – it seems like yesterday it was February. May is my favorite month not just because it’s my birthday month, but because the weather’s getting warmer, the days are getting longer and the summer is ahead. It does a lot for my attitude and creativity. Usually, by the time March comes around I get so worn out from the coldness and darkness of the winter that I feel useless. Eventually, I’d like to be where it’s summer-like most of the year – maybe the southwest.

The new songs are coming along though we’ve had some unrelated distractions – we just got a car and the whole process of going through that was pretty stressful. But, hopefully, in the end the car will serve us well and help bring us out into untouched territory. I think we could have a really good album if everything comes together well. Over the summer, we’ll be playing the new songs more and more at shows and in Harvard Square. In their basic form, the songs are pretty cohesive as a collection and if recording goes well, we’ll have an album that is even more satisfying to me (and hopefully for you) than the last.

April 2002  

Well, Jason was going to write the April letter, but believe it or not he has jury duty today. Lucky him. Last year I had it during this week that I was dog-sitting this beautiful Labrador Retriever for my vocal teacher, and I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I would have liked. But hopefully Jason will be in and out quickly. 

Last night I dreamed a song, the second time in a week that I have done that. It was a funny dream - my friend Alan Winter's band Winterboy was playing the song at Toad with Lawson Hancock as a guest singer, and I fell in love with the song. I was talking to Dave, Winterboy's drummer (who somehow was both onstage and talking to me) about how I loved the song, and then I woke up and I realized it could be mine, that I had written it! This is what makes music feel alive and vibrant - those moments are what makes it worthwhile.  

Anyway. The weather is changing and Saturday afternoon we walked to the Public Garden to be with the ducks. They have the pond drained now, which they do every spring (I'm not sure why) and the ducks are walking around in the mud, with no water, being fed Cap'n Crunch by a bunch of kids - and they are ok. What a lesson! I'm beginning to understand Heyoka teachers. Heyoka is a coyote totem, and it teaches by giving you something different from what you expected (a trickster but with no bad or malicious intent, I think, if I am understanding the concept correctly). So here are the ducks, back from the South or whatever, and they come to the famous duck pond, and there's no water. But they aren't crying about it, they aren't bitching, they are just eating their Cap'n Crunch and walking around in the mud, surviving and even thriving. So if the coyote throws me a curve ball, I gotta learn how to hit it. 

Quickly, because I've gotten some requests about this: what it's like to busk. Busking is a unique and very special experience and one that I never expected to have. I never expected to perform on the streets, and the suburban white teenager who lives on in me is still horrified by the concept (ok: not necessarily just the suburban white teenager in me, but the suburban white teenagers who used to live around me, in school) - me, a street performer. But there's a beauty in it and it can be an amazing time. A typical day is: get up at 5 AM, head out there by 6 or whatever, and sit with tea and a crossword until it's time to play. If it's warm out and we're in Harvard Square, you get to see the city wake up. There's one or two early birds having coffee at Au Bon Pain, and a lot of literal early birds, those brown sparrows, there to beg for my breakfast (usually an egg sandwich or muffin). The street cleaners come by and are very friendly and wish us luck. Another busker will come by and ask for the spot and if things go well we'll agree to share. If not, we'll agree to disagree (can sometimes be unpleasant) and do our own things. Then the Square starts filling up, and people just sit down to watch, and 65% are so incredibly nice it's amazing. I'd say 34% are indifferent and there's always 1% mean, but overall that's a pretty good ratio, I think. When I'm not focused on performing, I'm watching people. There are so many different kinds of people: people who have never seen street performance before and are amazed by it, people (usually children) who dance, people who are learning guitar, voice, bass or violin and have questions, people who would like to busk and want to know where to get the permit, people who are really moved by our performance (this is always a lift) and come tell us, people who want to offer us opportunities, people who want to meet Mary Lou Lord and think we know her, people who ignore us, people fighting, people drawing, people eating, people loving (another lift), happy people, sad people, homeless people, dog people, child people, rich people, jealous people, snob people, known people, open people, Heyoka people, dream people, nightmare people, vision people, sick people, music people, city people, visitor people.

Ever notice how weird a word looks when you see it too much? Look at "people" in the last sentence.

P.S. - Next time I'll write about subway busking. I just ran out of room this time, I had a lot to say.

March 2002

Well, it's March - a season of change. I'm glad it's here. It's unbelievable to me to see the crocuses and daffodils just starting to appear. Every year it feels like a miracle, like an icy grip is releasing its hold on the world and life is springing forth again. Although I know that's not true, there are winter flowers and there is winter life as well if you look around. 

I had a dream the other night that a golden retriever was run over by a car and came limping over to me. And at first I was afraid of the dog because he was unfamiliar, but then I realized he was hurt and it was up to me to save him. He was wearing a red leash. I brought him to an animal hospital where the doctor told me he would be ok after some surgery and rehabilitation. And it seemed to me like I had been given something precious to protect and care for - and that even if it made no difference to the rest of the world, it made a difference to me and that dog.

Ok - so I haven't figured out all the symbolism just yet! Or if it really means anything except that I like golden retrievers. But I think maybe it means that we are given something precious, like a little flame, that burns down in our hearts - our life glow - and part of what we are to do is protect and nurture that no matter how much easier it may seem it would be to let it just burn out and become wood and ash...

January 2002  

First off, sorry this has taken so long. Life's busy these days between running the label and keeping up with the art. We have the next album about 80% written and we can't wait to start recording. The completed songs are: "Make Me A Gypsy," "Living In Dream," "Grace," "Can't Take It Anymore," "Farewell," "Blanket Song" and "Tell The Truth." The rest are on their way and hopefully won't get lost in transit... I know this can't mean that much to you seeing as you can't listen to them except at shows, but it makes me feel as if they are "real" and with us... the songs have always been entities to me and I like to see them flourish and grow. I'll post the lyrics to these tunes soon, anyway. Right now we're thinking of calling the album "Locust Years" and sticking a big giant picture of a locust on the cover. It goes well with the pleasantry of "Blue Horizon," don't you think? I just get off on being a woman. It's sensual waves of aqua blue one minute and blood red the next. 

I'll take just a little drama in my "thesis statement" - thank you very much. 

I have always hated winter (I know that sounds strange coming from a former upstate New Yorker) but this year's winter just seems so full of potential that it's coldly beautiful to me. I feel like something is below the surface, really ready to come out... like spring this year is going to be a great healer and not just that but a grower and mover. I want to see things get shaken up, shaken up in so many ways... shake up our corporate music, shake up our corporate brains, shake up our corporate conscience and especially our corporate violence... shake it up and spill it out and make us feel the blood in our veins again. Maybe my problem with winter was that it always felt like it was a time of death and staying dead - but this year it seems like the hour before dawn and the time before birth, murky and distant, fetal but also quite fearless and bold. 

That's how I'm starting to feel as a performer. I was never a natural like Bono - or a belly dancer! I love belly dancers! - all that movement and life and sensuality, sexuality and energy - I mean somebody who owned the stage from the first day they stepped on it. But lately I feel strong and capable... I can be bold and those who have said the opposite, let them disappear. I get up there, and for a minute it's hard to believe I'm actually doing this, seeing as I spent most of my life jealous of the people who did. And then I look out and the audience is there, and the music is moving and it blows my head that this is the breath of songs that I wrote, or Jason wrote - alone - at one point they were entirely mine, like a the point of conception - and now, here they are in this moment in time, breathing and alive. That's the winter part turning to spring. I don't think April is cruel.  

Wow, writing that letter wasn't as difficult as I thought! Hopefully we'll be seeing some of you out at shows soon, or maybe we'll see you on the subway if we can get a spot (you wouldn't believe the competition). In the meantime, shake it up.

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